It's Just the Rain
by Lockheart
Summary: Soujiro reflects... and that truth issue.


Well... here I am, torturing another innocent anime/manga character. This is a Soujiro ficcie, set after Kenshin... urm... how do you say-- deals with him. Spoilers for... well, the episodes where Kenshin deals with the poor guy.  
  
Urm... okay. The stuff in the /.../ are memories of someone talking. The person speaking is either Shishio or Kenshin. I've avoided using much speech that wasn't used in the anime. Note, though, that I have the bad fortune of watching the *urgh* dubbed AXN versions. Don't come after me with a pickaxe if you find the dialogue totally unfamiliar. The stuff within //...// is dialogue that Soujiro once said. Same things apply as the ones above. :: ... :: denotes Sou-chan's thoughts. Okay. I don't make sense? Well, read on, and hopefully it'll become mildly comprehendable.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Soujiro. I don't own Shishio. I don't own Kenshin. I don't own Soujiro's angst, Kenshin's goodwill, Shishio's demented philosphies and whatnot. Normally I'd say that sueing me will get you my geography textbook, but the exam period's here, and I need it. I'm just a broke thirteen-year-old girl, okay? Unless you want one of my broken pens, don't sue me. So... here we go.  
  
Oh, yeah. Reviews are greatly appreciated. Okay, so they're more than just greatly appreciated. I'm going down on my knees and begging you for them, okay?  
  
uIt's just the rain/u  
  
He stood, unmoving, staring up at the dark backdrop that was the night sky.  
  
Gray clouds gathering, the threatening rumble of distant thunder.  
  
A smile.  
  
  
Strange, how old habits die hard, even after they have proven futile.  
  
The rain.  
  
Fat drops of liquid crystal, sweeping the earth, nourishing it.  
  
Godsent, falling, shattering as it hit the ground.  
  
So fragile...  
  
So weak...  
  
And yet those termed as strong could not survive without this form of personification of delicacy.  
  
/The strong will live, and the weak will die./  
  
:: I told you I understood, Himura-san... ::  
  
:: Do I? ::  
  
/The flesh of the weak will feed the strong./  
  
"Nii-chan?"  
  
An unfamiliar voice. Young, curious, innocent.  
  
He turned.  
  
A smile.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
The little girl studied him carefully. "Who are you?"  
  
:: I am Death. ::  
  
:: Am I? ::  
  
"A wanderer."  
  
:: I never lived... ::  
  
:: ...He stole my childhood... ::  
  
A smile.  
  
:: I never had one, anyway... ::  
  
:: ...Have I never lived until now? ::  
  
:: Am I living now? ::  
  
Even Death can die.  
  
She tugged on his hand. "It's raining."  
  
A smile.  
  
"I know."  
  
"Aren't you going in, nii-chan?"  
  
Memories. Rushing, surging, battering his mind, his body, his soul...  
  
Rain falling. A gasp of horror.  
  
Fear.  
  
A plea. A plea for help that never came.  
  
Then, blood. Drenching, engulfing, creating stains that could never be washed off.  
  
/Are you crying, Soujiro?/  
  
Desperation.  
  
//Iie, Shishio-sama.//  
  
Clutching at straws of hope.  
  
//It's just the rain.//  
  
And a smile.  
  
:: I believed that... when I smiled... they couldn't hurt me. ::  
  
//Are you a... bad guy then, Shishio-san?//  
  
/It's the Meiji government that's the bad guy./  
  
A smile.  
  
//...Then you're a good guy, right?//  
  
/...No, Soujiro. I'm the worst of them all./  
  
"Nii-chan?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"What's your name?"  
  
A boy. Whimpering as the blows came, again and again and again.  
  
Terrified eyes.  
  
A teenager. Smiling. Killing.  
  
/The strong will live and the weak will die./  
  
/That is the law of nature./  
  
/That is how it has been, and how it will always be./  
  
A young man. Confused, scared, ultimately cheerful.  
  
A mess inside.  
  
:: Soujiro. ::  
  
:: Is that my name? ::  
  
:: Iie, that's the name of... someone else. Someone that I don't know. Someone that I don't want to know. Someone... whom I was. ::  
  
  
//The truth has to be out there... somewhere. I'll find it... or maybe it'll find me.//  
  
//Then maybe I'll know... who I really am.//  
  
"...I have no name."  
  
// I was the weak, once. Then I became the strong. //  
  
:: I was weak. I became strong. ::  
  
:: The weak become the strong. ::  
  
::The strong... are the weak. ::  
  
:: Without the weak, there can never be the strong. ::  
  
:: Then... are the weak... stronger than the strong? ::  
  
/The flesh of the weak will feed the strong./  
  
:: What is weakness? ::  
  
:: What is strength? ::  
  
:: I wanted to be strong... ::  
  
:: But I was still weak. ::  
  
:: I didn't die. ::  
  
:: Should I have died? ::  
  
:: But I don't want to die before I find the truth. ::  
  
:: What is the truth? ::  
  
"What is the truth?"  
  
"Eh, Nii-chan? What did you say?"  
  
A smile.  
  
"What is the truth?"  
  
A frown. "I... dunno."  
  
/The survival of the fittest. That is the truth./  
  
Shishio-sama.  
  
/The truth... you will find it yourself./  
  
Himura-san.  
  
//You think so?//  
  
/I believe so./  
  
Belief.  
  
A smile.  
  
:: The truth was what they believed to be true. ::  
  
:: But... I can't see any truth. Anywhere. ::  
  
:: Maybe... there *is* no truth. ::  
  
:: And that will be true... if I believe in it? Then there *is* truth. ::  
  
:: Then the truth is subjective. ::  
  
/The truth has to be somewhere out there.../  
  
:: No. The truth isn't out there. The truth is inside. Inside me. Inside everybody. ::  
  
:: I see. ::  
  
"Nii-chan? What's the truth?"  
  
A smile.  
  
"...I don't know."  
  
A pause, then a nod.  
  
The rain. Rushing down.  
  
Cathartic.  
  
Purifying.  
  
Healing.  
  
"Do you like the rain, nii-chan?"  
  
A smile.  
  
"Hai."  
  
:: Why does it feel like... it's raining inside of me? ::  
  
"I don't like the rain, nii-chan."  
  
"...Why not?"  
  
"It gets me wet. 'Kaasan doesn't like it, either."  
  
A smile.  
  
"I see."  
  
:: Rain when I died. ::  
  
:: Then rain again, and let me live again. ::  
  
"Are you crying, nii-chan?"  
  
"Iie."  
  
A smile, bittersweet in all its poignance.  
  
"...It's just the rain."  
  
-owari-  
  
Like it? Tell me.  
  
Hate it? Tell me.  
  
I'm insane, I'm insane, lalalalala........  



End file.
